Don't Worry, Be Happy: A Child’s Guide to Dealing With Feeling Anxious

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But automatic processes have been around for millennia, giving them plenty of time to perfect themselves. Higher cortical functioning came on the scene only around 40,000 years or so ago, and is weak and buggy by comparison. This, Haidt points out, "helps to explain why we have inexpensive computers that can solve logic, maths and chess problems as well as any human can" but no robot that can walk in the woods as well as a six-year-old child. Do they have problems concentrating or show a loss of enthusiasm for their usual interests? These could all be signs that your child is struggling with anxiety. It took a few years of singing in an empty room before McFerrin felt comfortable singing in front of others, and a few years after that before he booked his first solo gig. His break arrived in 1981, after a performance at New York’s Kool Jazz Festival —“probably the only concert in America,” quipped the Washington Post, “that comes with a warning from the Surgeon General.” He performed alongside heavy hitters like Carmen McRae and Johnny Hartman for the showcase “The Art Of Jazz Singing.” The Times’ coverage noted that “[a]ll the singers are well established except Mr. McFerrin.” Nevertheless, his performance earned him a contract with Elektra Records, and he made his recording debut the next year, at the age of 32. You can do a lot with automatic processes. You can navigate by the stars (migrating birds), fight wars and run fungus farms (ants), even make tools (early hominids). The mechanism central to all of these highly specialised automatic systems is dopamine release, little bursts of this neurotransmitter being the way the brain rewards animals for doing things (like eating, building nests and having sex) that are good for the survival of our genes.

Understandably, you may have a hard time with negative or intrusive thoughts if you struggle with depression. If that’s the case, therapy can help. What horses and chariots and elephants with riders draw attention to, he argues, is something that psychologists have only recently begun to realise: "that there are really two information processing systems at work in the mind at all times: controlled processes and automatic processes".Aimed at children aged 7 – 11, it can be used independently or together with a parent or carer. It explains clearly and simply what anxiety is, what might cause it and, best of all, how you can find ways to manage and overcome it. For this it draws on proven cognitive behavioural therapy techniques, using simple activities that will help children now and possibly all through their lives. The answer to that is at the crux of this marvellous book. Haidt's key insight is that emotion is just the expression of the mechanisms by which rider and elephant interact. Happy people are the ones in whom the interaction is smooth, in whom the gears mesh, in whom the different levels add up to a more or less coherent whole. Unhappiness occurs when rider and elephant have major differences about how to do things, a fairly common situation since, while the rider tends to be more interested in happiness, the elephant is bent on achieving prestige and the possibilities for gene dissemination and survival that it brings.

So here we are: not charioteers in charge of wild horses, but a self-reflexive rider sitting atop a large and lumbering automatic elephant that has plenty of its own ideas on how to do things. What has this got to do with happiness?

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You need to make a plan where you do something small every day to build towards that dream life and know that when you get there. You may feel happier by doing this but remember, life is a journey and you have to appreciate the climb, not just the view from the top. It doesn't help that, despite being big and lumbering and bent on being alpha animal, the elephant is also a total scaredy-cat. A "negativity bias" against strange people and new experiences is built into the actual structure of the brain (in the way the amygdala and thalamus are wired), but though this might be annoying, it does make sense: "If you were designing the mind of a fish, would you have it respond as strongly to opportunities as to threats?" Of course not. Miss a chance for a meal and the likelihood is that another one will be along in a while. Miss the sign of a nearby predator and it's game over. I will no longer allow the negative things in my life to spoil all of the good things I have. I choose to be HAPPY.”

Such a move would have been hard to explain to his parents. McFerrin grew up in an august musical environment; his mother Sara was a soloist at the McFerrins’ Episcopalian church. And Robert Sr. was a renowned opera singer and voice instructor. Born in 1921 as the son of a traveling Baptist preacher, Robert Sr. attracted notice at an early age for his singing ability. Still, his goal was to teach English, and when he auditioned for his high school choir, it was reluctantly. The choir director recognized his talent, offering private instruction that included classical vocal technique. (As part of his training regimen, he warned Robert away from gospel and pop.) His studies at Chicago Musical College were interrupted by the draft; after a three-year stint in the Army he returned to complete his degree.Our brain has the capability to match things. And matching here means completing up a puzzle. If you are too bitchy, and you met a gal who was as nice and delicate as your mother, how could you see rudeness in this mother-like figure you've just bumped to? Yes, some people tend to say, "she is just showing off. i can see that she really is a bitch." But guess what, these people didn't see that the nice gal MIGHT BE a TRAMP, they saw that she was just simply NICE. The Bitch Theory here is just a THEORY. And applying a theory is not something you just see, you think about it first. This practical guide combines proven cognitive-behavioural therapy methods used by child psychologists in schools with simple activities to help your child to overcome anxiety. It's aimed at children aged 7-11 because a lot happens in these years that can impact a child's emotional well-being, not just now but for years to come.