Alan: You’ve gone again, GOODNIGHT! Alan is in his hotel room, reading an article by Tony Hayers on a sweep up at the BBC, Alan reacts immediately by reeling off some ideas for programmes into his Dictaphone: Alan to his listeners: That was Big Yellow Taxi by Joanie Mitchell, a song in which Joanie complains that they paved paradise to put up a parking lot. A measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise. Something, which Joanie singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn’t quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. Nevertheless, nice song. It’s 4.25 AM, you’re listening to ‘Up With The Partridge’. But not too informal; it's not Nigel Pinsent's "In Depth", but neither is it Wally Banter's Junk-Box Alan: And. Can I have… the same. No, but with different shape pasta. What do you call those pasta in bows? Like a bow tie, but miniature. Sort of like an Action Man bow tie. A-haaa!" (LYNN) What if Tony Hayers sees "Cook, Pass, Babtridge" painted on your car? (ALAN) Don't worry, Lynn, I'll play it down.

Do you go around drawing peephole bras on the wall? But it was different for me, like 'cause I was in the army when I was seventeen. Oh, my God! One can find some strength when you're at your bleakest moments, - If you open yourself up to new choices - Lynn, I'm not coming to your Baptist church! They always get people when they're down.The opening scene where Alan is in his sound booth at Radio Norwich, presenting Up With The Partridge:

Alan: Right. Now, you’ll like this. “Knowing M.E., Knowing You”. I, Alan Partridge talk to M.E. sufferers about their condition. Erm, you know, we intersperse it with their favourite pop songs make it light-hearted. You know, give them a platform. You got to keep the energy up. You don’t like it, that’s alright. And @steamagency added: “The person who painted this Alan Partridge piece at @Banksidegalhull is a ruddy genius. Jurassic Park!”Alan: Anyway, regarding the graffiti, if you could [Alan mimics shooting someone with a pistol] kill that, I’ll see ye ‘reet, me old fishy on a dishy. Alan: You could, couldn’t you yes! Wouldn’t want to though. Not unless it had been stunned. Even then it’s going to weigh the best part of a ton.